This winter season I have been speaking at A Simple Faith from the book of Ecclesiastes, with commentary from Dr. Viktor Frankl (My podcast will have the entire series in full, when complete). Ecclesiastes finds little meaning in life, whereas Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, thought we could make meaning in life through our work, our experiences, and our attitude. Within experience, he spoke of love. Deep, sustaining, love.
This isn’t necessarily romantic love. Romantic love is good, to be sure, but it’s mainly a catalytic reaction - romantic love that is. It’s a combination of adrenaline and few other chemicals running rampant through your brain. Now, I still suggest that you use the word “love” as you woo your beloved. Don’t say over dinner on Valentine’s Day evening, “Oh, sweetheart, my prefrontal cortex is just flooded with dopamine right now, and I can’t wait for the oxytocin to hit my blood stream.” No, no. Just play Marvin Gaye and say, “I love you.”
But real love is tough love, not only sensual love. Even when the writer of Ecclesiastes talks about “two lying down together,” this biblical case of spooning isn’t in the afterglow of a romantic evening. It is to stay live fighting the cold. It’s easier to navigate this hazardous world if you have people around you that you love - people you can count on to help get you through.
To be “in love” over a long time means to have seen the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly - in the world and in each other sometimes. It means that you are stuck together, and sticking it to the world if you have to. It means you have found a partner, who in the words of Frederick Buchner, “Brings life to your life.” For those who find this, it is a gift of God - a “reward” Ecclesiastes says - but this kind of love is in no way restricted to a marriage. There is a love that makes friends stick closer than family (See Proverbs 18).
I hope you have one or two friends in your life that you genuinely love; and whome love you. It might be the people you pray with. It might be a small group - it began formally but now it is much more than that. You might be so blessed as to have remained friends with someone going all the way back to grade school, or a childhood neighbor. It could be your book club. It could be the guys you play cards with. It can be your work mates. The girls you drink wine with or the boys you meet at the pub - or those who you see every week at your recovery meeting
If you have two or three genuine friends you love - if you have to use two hands to count them off - well, you are more wealthy than you can imagine. Love means something in this world of trouble - and if you have such friends, you should tell them so, while they are here to hear it. And once they hear it, it’s in their heart - not just their head. - RM
Ronnie McBrayer is the founder pastor of A Simple Faith Church. He and his wife Cindy are also the founders of the non-profit, Renew of Northwest Florida. These two separate entities, each in their own way, seek to bring healing, grace, and renewal to the communities they serve.